


Rough Sketch

by SamanthaSepopaSandile



Category: Ranya - Fandom, clexa - Fandom, linctavia - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Aftermath of Violence, Alcohol Abuse, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Anorexic Tendencies, Domestic Violence, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Implied Self-Hatred, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm (by main character), Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mentions of attempted rape, Mentions of sexual harrasment, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Hatred, Teen Romance, mentions of bullying, suicidal thoughts (main character)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2018-10-18 00:56:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10605954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamanthaSepopaSandile/pseuds/SamanthaSepopaSandile
Summary: In another life, i would have loved to be her's. In another life we would dance together in the rain. I would tell her i love her in some cheesy way after a dinner and movie because lets not forget I'm only 15. I would introduce her to my family and with big smiles they would give her a big warm hug and welcome her into the family.But that isn't my life. I love her, but being with her is risky. It could get her hurt. In this life Its hard to dance when you body is constantly bruised and battered, when your immune system is relatively weak because you really haven't healed from the last beating and another one is added to the last. In this life to love her is to risk my life and her safety. In this life introducing her to my 'family' could ruin her. It doesn't matter really I don't think one could call these people my family. I love her that is all that matters.------Clarke meets Lexa who always seems to be in pain, bruised and battered. When asked she claims to be a clumsy person. When they start dating Lexa won't introduce her to her family. Why not?////There will be angst, fluff and a lot of crying also a lot of triggers so I apologize.TRIGGER WARNING





	1. I can handle myself

CHAPTER 1  
Don’t you just wish you could wake up one day only to find out that life hit reset and you could start over? I do. All the time. I would go back in time when my parents were still happy. When my siblings and I still had a family. I would relive the Sunday brunches and birthday picnics. I was happy then. I miss waking up to the clutter in the kitchen and bacon in the air. I miss the white picket-fence life I had back then. I’d go back to before the mess all started…  
The school bell signifying the end of the school day rang, bringing me out of my thoughts I don’t think I’ve ever been any more upset to hear that bell. it means I have to go home (that is if you can even call it a home). I pack up my things really slowly and wait for the other students to clear the room. Once its just me and MS. Indra (my math teacher) I get up from my seat extremely slowly wincing at the pain that immediately shot from my ribs.  
“Are you alright Miss Woods?” concern dripping from her voice. By now one would think she’d stop asking. The amount of times we’ve gone through this and I always answer the same way.  
“I’m fine Miss. My bones are just a bit stiff from being seated for so long.” That’s a lie and by the look on her face she knows it too.  
“well you know where to find me if there’s a problem.” As per usual I brush it off. Grab my bag and head out the door to find Luna waiting for me. Concern covers her face at the sight of me clutching onto my abdomen. Tears start shinning in her eyes and she looks away. Luna and I have been friends for a while. So she knows my demons. And by the tears I can tell she has an idea of why I have a bruise on my chin.  
“Titus is back isn’t he.” Its more of a statement than a question but I nod either way. We walk in silence to my locker and started heading outside to the parking lot. The silence is broken when she starts speaking.  
“You can stay over tonight if you want.” Her voice is hopeful.  
“I can’t he’ll take is as if I’m avoiding him and it’ll only make it worse. I have to go home. Plus I promised my aunt I’ll have dinner with them. I can’t disappoint her.” I already knew what she was going to say before she said it.  
“Lex, when are you going to tell her?” she asked through a sigh.  
“I can’t tell her Lu… it will break her. She loves him so much I can’t destroy her happiness. She deserves to be happy and if she finds it with him then that’s enough for me. I can deal with Titus.” I pretended not to notice the disapproving look she gave me.  
“You can’t go on like this Lex eventually you’re going to crash. Your body can’t go on like this. It will become too much at some point. He’s going to break you Lex.” I was really getting annoyed but not because of what she is saying instead it’s because I know it’s true. How many more beatings is my body going to be able to survive? Especially if they are consistent like they currently are. Titus is going to be the death of me but how much am I really going to be able to take before I break?  
“Can you stop acting like you know my body Luna? I can take care of myself.” Irritation was dripping from my voice and I really did try to hide it but Luna can get really pushy sometimes. I don’t notice that we were now standing, face to face in the middle of a now almost empty parking lot with people not-so-discretely watching us.  
“I can tell. Because you are doing such a superb job already.” That sarcastic sentence was enough to push me over the edge. But before I can say anything we are interrupted by an obnoxious call of Luna’s name which can only be from one person Raven Reyes. We turn to find Raven walking over with another brunette one she always walks with so if I remember correctly her name is Octavia? I think, and some blonde girl I’ve never seen before.  
“hey Luna” Octavia says. She then turns to me “Woods.” With a respectful dip of her chin. I return the nod. “Blake…. Reyes”. Turning to the shorter brunette.  
“Woods… this is Clarke. Shes new just transferred today and I was showing her around when I we heard you two bickering and thought why not come over and see what wrong. Is everything okay?” the question was somehow skeptical. I didn’t miss a beat before answering.  
“Yeah… umm… everything is fine.” Luna side glanced me before speaking up.  
“It’s nice to meet you Clarke.” She extended a hand to her which was taken in a quick hand shake then directed at me. I reached out to grab it and immediately pain shot through my ribs. It took all my strength not to retract my hand and grab my ribs. I grabs her hand but my hand was shaking and I knew she could tell because her smile turned into a frown and her eye brows knitted in concern. I was expecting her to say something but Raven beat her to it.  
“Are you sure you’re okay there Woods, you look like crap.” I let go of Clarke’s hand and forced a smile towards Raven.  
“Wow Raven… with those pick-up lines how are you even single?” I made sure to make it sound really sarcastic in an attempt to change the subject. With the smile she was now sporting it worked.  
“Please… No girl can handle the Raven Reyes charm.” Then a thought popped into my head.  
“Well Anya seems to handle you just fine.” Then there it was the... blush. It was rare for Raven to blush, but when she did it was usually concerned with my sister. With all the confused stares I decided to elaborate “Anya is my sister. She doesn’t live with me but her and Raven hit it off from the very beginning. The very first time Anya visited me. We had gone out to Grounders and we ran into Luna and Raven there. We had lunch together and the pair completely ignored Luna and I. They were in their own little world. I swear Raven looked like a love-sick puppy.” The group burst into laughter except Raven who was groaning with a furious blush on her cheeks. We parted soon after that. That night I couldn't help but think about blue eyes, and blonde hair. Even through the pain I found myself smiling.


	2. How it started

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lets take a look into Clarke's life.

Clarke woke up to the sun in her eyes. Again… she really needs to get those blinds fixed. Glancing at the alarm clock on her right she notices that its only 6:15 and she has a good 45 minutes before she actually has to get up. Damn sun! Knowing that she won’t be able to get back to sleep again she drags herself out of bed. Expertly maneuvering through the clutter of art supplies around her room she gets to the bathroom to take a shower. 

 

Turning the shower on to warm up the water while she undresses Clarke chances a look at the mirror above the sink. Usually she just ignores it. But today she doesn’t look away. She stares at herself. Topless her skin looking paler than it used to be, ribcage well defined. All sharp edges of her body defined. Every time she catches herself in the mirror she can’t help but remember the names, the insults, the hitting, and the letters. She can’t forget the hate in their eyes and the whispers behind her back. It always riles up some negative emotion in her. She could never really look at herself the same way after that year. She tore her gaze away from the mirror when she noticed her reflection becoming a blur. At least she’s going to a new school, new people, new friends, in a new society that is hopefully more accepting.

 

She stood in the shower letting the hot water burn her now sensitive skin, engulfed by the steam around her, she couldn’t hold it back any longer and like she has done in all the other showers she has taken ever since the beginning of all the bullying started she cried. Letting the tears leave her body accompanied by her sobs she sank into the corner of the shower, arms holding her legs close to her chest, she cried with her head buried in-between her knees and her naked back against the cold shower tiles. Trying and failing to stifle the sounds she makes so she doesn’t wake her parents up. They would worry. They seemed to worry a lot after what happened at her old school. She cried until the water started to become cold and even then she washed up with silent tears.

 

_____________________________________________________________________________________------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Immediately when she walks out of her room she’s met with the lingering smell of bacon in the air. Her new house is moderately sized, two stories high and really spacious, way beyond the needs of three people. She always seems to get lost. They had moved here during the summer since her dad was re-assigned there. This was really convenient, considering what happened. Her dad is a very well-known engineer and he just got hired at a very well-known company called, Kwelness enterprises. 

 

She entered the kitchen to find her dad wearing an apron, by the stove flipping a pancake and her mom sitting on a stool by the island reading the newspaper while drinking coffee. In a traditional movie family the roles would be reversed. But then again in a traditional movie family the daughter would not be suffering from depression.

 

Clarke takes a seat at the table and a plate of food and a cup of orange juice are placed before accompanied by the signature Jake Griffin kisses on the temple.  
“Morning sweetheart” he says cheerfully as he walks back to the stove.  
“Morning” there really is no point in eating since her food since it will come back up eventually one way or another.  
“How was your sleep?”  
“Good.” One worded answers have recently become a thing.  
“Are you excited for today? First day of school” he sounded way too excited.  
“Yeah…” not really “you? How do you feel?” she just really wanted to change the subject.  
“Great… I’m excited, not nervous a bit” yeah right  
“He’s lying” Her mother intervened “He’s stress cooking, and he woke me up with his anxious pacing. If that doesn’t scream nervous I don’t know what does.” Abby was sporting a smirk. Abby Griffin, chief neuro surgeon at the local hospital. The move was favorable towards her parents work-wise which was a good thing in a way.

 

Conversation was light but Clarke was not really paying attention. Once breakfast was done Clarke got her things and headed to the car after a quick visit to the toilet. The car ride was quite except for the radio. Abby had sensed Clarke’s anxiousness and was quick to reassure the girl that her new school would be different from the last. It did little to calm her nerves but she nodded anyways.

 

Clarke’s day went better than expected. There were a few stares but that only being from the fact that she was the new girl. She wasn’t really paying attention to where she was going when the next thing she knew she was ass-first on the cold, hard floor. She looks up to see who the culprit was after a string of apologies were exchanged. They started talking and ended up having lunch together with another friend of hers. The girls Raven and Octavia were their names, during lunch offered to show Clarke around. During the tour they somehow ended up in the parking lot when they heard shouting. Clarke looked around to find that literally everyone was watching but pretending not to be. 

 

She strained her ear to listen that’s when she caught the most angelic voice in the wind…  
“I can take care of myself.” She sounded angry. It caught the attention of the other girls as well.  
“I wonder what’s going on… Lex looks mad” Octavia told Raven. Clarke could only guess was the brunette with the balled fists and jaw clenched so tight she feared for the brunette’s teeth. Apart from the girls angry demeanor … Lex they called her… was… is… beautiful. Her chestnut curls lazily hanging there, draped over one shoulder. Her mind was pulled from her thoughts by a startling obnoxious call from besides her to a person called… Luna? Judging by the fact that the girl who was earlier arguing with the pretty brunette turned, soon after followed by the brunette, she was Luna.

 

They approached the two girls who seemed on edge and there also seemed to be a sort of tension lingering in the air. The pleasantries where exchanged and when Lexa reached to shake Clarke’s hand she noticed how the girl winced in pain and how her hand trembled in hers but she didn’t comment. She was about to when Raven jumped in. When their hands parted Clarke couldn’t help but feel disappointed at the loss of the other girls’ soft touch. But she didn’t dwell on it for long as the conversation picked up from teasing Raven to discussing school. It was nice but Clarke couldn’t really focus because her gaze seemed to linger on the brunette. That’s how she ended up noticing the discolored patch on the girl’s lower jaw, well hidden by the hair which she was starting to think was strategically placed that way.

 

After noticing that she started noticing the other tiny details that were easy to miss if one wasn’t looking. How shifting wrongly would make the brunette wince or how she would occasionally use grabbing her arm as an act to try to hide the fact that she’s actually grabbing her ribs. Or how she actively avoided certain topics or just changed the subject (like she did with Raven).

 

They parted and Clarke could not stop thinking about the brunette with pain stricken green eyes. She looked exhausted physically and mentally. So you can imagine that Clarke really wasn’t paying to attention to her mom during the car ride home. Once she was home she dropped her bag in her room, cleaned up and went down stairs for dinner. As per usual she set the table but today her mind was preoccupied with thoughts of Lexa and their encounter earlier.

 

They were seated down for dinner in silent when Jake broke it.  
“How was school honey?” he had a hopeful expression on his face.  
“Umm…it was okay, made a few friends.” Jake really couldn’t hide the relief from his face at the few words spoken by her daughter. After the last school, he was glad things were working out well for her in this new school.  
“That’s really great honey” From there they took turns talking about their days. Again Clarke really wasn’t paying attention.

 

After dinner she retreated to her room to get some sleep, but that was pointless considering the fact that she kept tossing and turning. Her thoughts were consumed by thoughts of the green-eyed brunette and her bruised jaw. Clarke couldn’t help but wonder how she got it. And like clock-work her brain started thinking about all the possible ways in which she could’ve obtained them. Each scenario was even worse and even more gruesome than the last. The brunette’s words from earlier rang through her mind… ‘I can take care of myself’. But can she really? That was the question that kept ringing through the blondes head.

 

Clarke didn’t sleep that night. Eventually when she did it was only to be awoken with a start at the thought of the brunette screaming. Why was she even like this? She just met this girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so hi again. I just finished this chapter figured might as well post it. also it has come to my attention that some people hate first person written works so this is what i will be doing. Lexa is first person Clarke is not. tell me if you like it or not. comment your feeling and stuff.
> 
> And nobody is wondering this but hey why not. i have tumblr if anyone is actually interested in my lonesome socially nonexistent life. Sammy-sam-sam123 !! yeah yeah i know stupid name... any ways ya'lls can message me there, ask any ridiculous question you want and i will try my best to answer what i can. And you can also ask about the fic if you're interested or confused i tend to over write sometimes and confuse people so yea it could be helpful then. i don't know oh and you can totally help me with the tough choices i guess. 
> 
> You don't have to like follow me on tumblr if you don't wanna because truthfully my life sucks. Anyways i'm rambling and its 1am so bye!!!!!! 
> 
> Thanks for reading!!!! :)


	3. From bad to good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into Lexa's fam life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry about how long it took me to post this chapter i was editing it. i still feel like some places are a bit lacking correct me if i'm wrong but it sure as hell feels that way. Anyways i'm leaving for a bit and there's really bad wifi where i'm going but i will write and post if i can. i am really sorry and i hope this Chapter will hold you off until the next update and it will not be any latter than 5 or 6 days tops if not less.
> 
> Commentary is accepted i feel as though i did not do this chapter any justice. Feel free to disagree or agree anything you wanna...
> 
> -sam

CHAPTER 3 

-Lexa’s POV-

 

“Miss Woods!” where is that coming from? Who keeps calling me? Can they not see that I’m busy? Then it hit me. SHIT!!!!! I’m in class!! I look up only to be met with the twenty sets of eyes of my classmates staring at me. I tried my best to ignore the other sets of eyes looking at me as I answer my caller.

 

“Pay attention… You can day dream later!” argh… leave it to Ms. Nia to try and embarrass me. This clearly worked if the heat rising to my cheeks hasn’t given me away.  
“Yes ma’am” And the class continued. Ms. Nia has always been sort of a royal bitch… but academically speaking she’s an amazing teacher. Her teachings are never forgotten much like Ms. Indra, well that is if you’re actually paying attention to what they are teaching. Of which I’m clearly not doing. But in my defense… can you blame me?

 

My mind keeps wondering back to the conversation with my sister that morning and frankly I really don’t know how to feel about it.

 

=====================================================================================------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Morning 

 

As usual my aunt wasn’t back from work yet. Aunt Ontari works night shifts as a nurse at the children hospital in town. She has always wanted kids but that was before Titus, when he came into the picture she ‘changed’ her mind. I know it’s all Titus’ doing (although she says it’s not.)

 

Speaking of the devil… Titus was sleeping face-first on the couch surrounded by bottles upon bottles of alcohol, the air smelt of stale alcohol and smoke. God I hate this man. He’s always like this, every morning when he’s back from his assignments, he would drink himself to sleep starting from the moment my aunt steps out of the house to go to work every night. I have since realized to stay as far away from him as possible when he’s drunk. Especially in the mornings to not wake him up if he’s sleeping. That makes him even grumpier. I tip-toed to the kitchen to make breakfast and took my bowl of cereal to my room. Just when I shut the door my phone rings. Perfect timing. I already know who it is. I’ve been avoiding her for days. I guess I’ll have to bite the bullet. If I don’t, knowing Anya she won’t stop calling till I pick up the phone. With I sigh I accept the call and wait for the scolding to begin.

 

“Hey An…” words muffled because I was speaking around a mouth full of Coco-pops… I don’t care what anyone says I love me some of that chocolatey flavor.   
“Don’t ‘Hey An me’… why haven’t you been answering your phone?” told you it would happen  
“I’m sorry.” Not really but what else is there to say?  
“Yeah you better be… I thought you were dead or some shit like that I was really close to gathering the girls and coming down there myself to see what’s going on.” Lie. Anya has always had a big group of friends… all buff and hot. It’s hard to see the resemblance between the two of us sometimes since we are so different in more ways than we are alike. 

 

“Don’t be so overly-dramatic…” I said with an internal sigh. I know she’s just worried but it’s just really annoying sometimes. “I’m alive…” unfortunately. How do you tell your loved one that you are tired of life? How do you tell them about the scares that are hidden on your inner thighs? How do you make them listen to reason to the fact that you have no reason to live anymore, that you are tired of life? You can’t… so I just don’t even try.

 

“How’s Aden?” I really miss my little brother.  
“He’s fine I guess… he misses you Lex… We all do.” After what happened I don’t blame them. “When are you visiting?” her voice sounds somewhat hopeful. A deep sigh leaves my lips.  
“I don’t think I can An…” it’s her turn to sigh “I can’t come back. Not yet. Not after what happened. They wouldn’t let me.”

 

“Lex you can’t keep assuming that they wouldn’t let you see us. Stop being a coward and try for crying out loud.” My blood is starting to boil. I can’t do this now. It’s too early for this.  
“They are the reason I’m in this mess in the first place An, or have you forgotten that!” and with that I ended the call.  
She called me a few more time but I didn’t answer. And when she finally gave up calling me she sent a text;

 

Anya: Lex I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean any of it I promise. Please… fuck Lex, I miss you. I wake up in our room every fucking day and you’re not there. And every time I always find myself saying things to you but you’re not there… I know you’re hurt I would be too but you can’t keep hiding behind that forever you need to live. I’m not sorry I called you a coward I’m sorry that it’s true. I didn’t call to fight with you. I was going to tell you that they are leaving for two weeks during summer break and I was thinking of visiting you with Aden that is…if you’ll have us. 

 

I read the message over and over and excitement started to manifest following after the tears of the beginning of the message. Anya has never been the type to talk about how she feels, one thing we have in-common, you adapt when you come from where we come from. All that matters at this very second is that I get to see Aden again. I shoot back a reply and grab my long forgotten cereal bowl. The cereal is now all soggy and probably salty from the tears that must have fallen into them when I thought about ‘them’ and how they ruined me. So I just take it back to the kitchen and rinse off my bowl. I trudged back to my room, got my book bag and headed out the door to school.

 

 

==========================================================================================================================================================================

 

 

“Class dismissed” It was lunch time now. Thank god!!   
I walked out the class with my body on auto-pilot, well that is until I bumped into somebody. Not really in the mood to be a nice person, I was just about to string together a very rude sentence at the intruder when they spoke up. 

 

“I am so sorry!! I wasn’t looking where I was going. Again! I was thinking of something, well someone and I bumped into you and I spilled all my art supplies and did I hurt you? I hope not! …” that sweet voice I remember but I just can’t put a face to it makes me look up. Only to find the same blonde I met yesterday trying to pick up all her things while talking and I don’t even think she has actually looked up. And oh my god she’s rambling and it’s extremely cute. I find myself smiling at the sight and before I can even comprehend what I’m doing.

 

“Clarke… you’re rambling.” Her head turns so fast I’m surprised she doesn’t get whiplash, her eyes wide she genuinely looks like a deer caught in headlights. I tried really hard to contain my laughter at her blush but it only made her blush harder. 

 

“You’re face looks like a tomato” trying and failing to compose myself. “If you blush any harder your face might pop” the teasing surprised me I usually don’t tease but with the blonde I felt like I could. What are you doing? You just met her! Stop talking about connections! 

 

She threw me a glare and I lost all composure and laughter bubbled through me. Her glare was quickly betrayed by the twitching of her lip upwards, she’s clearly trying to fight back a smile. Of which only contributed to my laughing fit. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so much in my life, more so since I moved here and with people I knew personally. But here I was in the middle of the hallway, on the floor laughing like a crazy person with a girl I just met. 

 

Shitty day forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so comment below who you think 'they' are or is and what they did or didn't do.
> 
> take it as a challenge of sorts. some fruit for thought till the next update.
> 
> -sam
> 
> p.s next chapter is Clexa interaction for real this time.


	4. Lunch date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke have lunch together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the long wait. This was a difficult chapter for me to write but its longer and fluffy i guess? anyway i hope the length absolves the time it to me to write this. Comment below your thoughts. Am I forgiven?

Clarke looked up from her rambling when she heard the angelic voice that had been whispering sweet, innocent and not so innocent words in her dreams as well as her day-dreams. She was met the encaptivating brunette that has been the main subject of her thoughts since they met. A blush crept up her cheeks at the thought of the not so innocent thoughts she’s had about the unsuspecting brunette. When the girl started laughing the sound music to Clarke’s ears she had to bite back a smile and laughter of her own. She ended up giving in and laughing with the brunette, in the middle of the hallway, on the floor.

 

Once the laughter died out with what looked like a grimace of pain from the brunette Clarke wanted to ask her if she was okay, but she figured the girl must be tired of hearing that question. So instead she got up and wordlessly outstretched a hand to help the pain-stricken brunette up. Who looked at the hand pensively, before taking it. Clarke can’t explain the feeling she got when their hands touched. It was like a jolt of electricity passed through her body, emanating from their conjoint hands and sending shivers through her body travelling lower, she couldn’t explain the sudden heat emitting from her core. She decided not to dwell on this unknown feeling. She looked at the other girl who was trying to pick her bag up, in a very slow pace while clutching her ribs with the other. Clarke was becoming uneasy at the sight of the gorgeous brunette’s face contorted in pain. With one quick move the blonde had the brunette’s backpack.

 

“Sorry about that” Clarke said to the girl while handing over the bag which Lexa took with a ‘thank you’.

 

“So since it looks like you were heading to the cafeteria, do you… umm…. Maybe want to go lunch together? You don’t have to if you don’t want to its understandable…” Clarke was interrupted by another laugh from the brunette. It was then that Clarke decided that if making the gorgeous woman before her laugh was a result of her embarrassment then so be it. She’d give anything to hear that melodious laughter again.

 

“Are you asking me out Clarke?” eyes wide, lips slightly parted Clarke looked like a deer caught in headlights, which only made it difficult for the brunette to hold in her laughter.

 

“What no!... I mean you’re pretty, like really pretty but… I …. Uh … didn’t mean it like that…” ‘shit! Can I get any more embarrassing than this.’ Clarke eyes widened even more comically when the realized what she had said. She was about to take it back when she noticed the blush on the brunette’s cheeks. in all fairness how could one not tell Lexa she’s pretty. Pretty was an understatement in Clarke’s mind but she couldn’t really say things like gorgeous, mesmerizing, breathtakingly beautiful, angelic to a stranger. Could she? 

 

“Breath Clarke...” she said through fits of laughter at the blonde’s flushed face. “I’d love to go to lunch with you Clarke”.

 

The walk to the cafeteria was short and silent in a comfortable way. They got their food and Clarke was about to lead them to a table when a hand wrapped around her arm effectively stopping her in her tracks. She turned to Lexa with a questioning gaze which was answered with a shrug.

“Did you really think I would let our first date be in the school cafeteria?” Clarke only shrugged and bent her head in an attempt to hide the furious blush that was threatening to make her face explode.

 

The walk didn’t take long Lexa led them out of the building and they took the trail leading to the school garden. But instead of taking the turn other students would usually take, they kept walking. Ahead was what looked like old boulder looking stones staked on top of each other that they somewhat looked like the mouth of a cave, with thin long leaves hiding the entrance. Clarke watched as l watched as lexa wordlessly approached the thin hanging leaves grabbed a few and pushed them aside, not entering yet. She was staring at Clarke rather expectantly which made the blonde believe that she was waiting on her to enter first. And enter she did.

 

Past the boulder there were more trees but thicker than the ones before the boulder. They walked past a few more trees into a clearing with grass everywhere and one really big cherry blossom tree in the middle. Clarke was so mesmerized by the scene in front of her that the tray of food she was holding slipped. A chuckle from besides her tore her away from her thoughts.

 

“Shit!” noticing the food on the ground. She bent down to at least salvage the intact. Her sandwich and chicken pieces where gone. But she saved her pudding cup. Her fruit salad was scattered everywhere and she really liked fruit salad. She was just about to scream injustice to the world when she felt a hand on her back nudging her in an attempt to get her to stand up. 

 

Clarke stood up with her pudding cup in hand while Lexa bent down again to grab her cutlery and leaded them towards the tree. The space beside the tree was occupied by a stone dining table embedded in the ground with matching stone seats around it. Lexa set the food on the table and motioned for her to do the same.

 

They sat opposite each other with the food in the middle and Lexa handed Clarke her cutlery. 

“Dig in” she heard lexa say.

“No! Its fine really. You should eat, it’s your food.” Clarke was reluctant to eat Lexa’s food even though lexa insisted it was fine. They went back and forth like that for a while until the brunette seemed to have had enough.

 

“Okay, Fine. If you don’t eat I won’t eat.” Lexa put down her fork in a dramatic way ignoring her stomach’s protests of hunger. She was determined not to eat if the blonde wasn’t. Clarke felt a surge of warmth through her body at the brunette’s words.

 

With a sigh she reluctantly took her fork in her hand and dug into the macaroni and cheese the brunette had ordered. If she couldn’t tell that the brunette was hurt and needed the energy, she sure as hell wouldn’t have eaten. But the brunette was, even though she wouldn’t admit to it because she was a stubborn ass. They ate in silence. Once the mac was gone Lexa silently offered the blonde her fruit salad. Clarke was about to protest and the brunette must have seen it if her next words weren’t anything to go by.

 

“I hate pineapples” she shrugged. Clarke had no reason to refuse taking it now. She ate it with a content moan, when a choking sound across from her caught her attention. The brunette was blushing and seemed to be having a staring match with her slice of cake. Clarke couldn’t help but smirk at the sight.

 

“So Lexa?” the brunette looked up but still couldn’t meet Clarke’s eyes. “Is it short for something?”

“It is.” She waited for the brunette to clarify but that didn’t seem to happen.

“Are you going to tell me what?” a smirk took over the brunette’s features. Someone got their confidence back.

“I would rather you guess” she said

“Why not just tell me?” 

“And what’s the fun in that?” the brunette shrugged “besides it would ruin my mysterious image. I’ve been told it drives the ladies mad” that smirk does things to Clarke that she’s not ready to admit to yet.

“Well, as one of the ladies I can attest to that. But really it’s not only the mystery that attracts them”

“Really?” eyebrow raised in question

“mmhmm” the blonde answered stuffing more fruit into her mouth to hide the grin threatening to break through her face.

“Then what else?”

“Why do you want to know?” smug smile in place

“Well I need to know to so I can improve ya know?” playful smile on the brunette’s lips 

“Trust me you’re perfect” Clarke couldn’t really think about how much she meant those words. She blushed when realization dawned on her that she said it out loud and the blush on the brunette’s face meant she heard it.

“You think?” there was a sad smile on the girl’s lips. It broke the blonde’s heart how vulnerable the girl looked right then.

“I know. No matter what anyone tells you. You’re perfect Lexa.” Clarke felt the sudden need to re-assure this gorgeous girl about her worth. She knew right then that if she was given the chance she would spend the rest of her life telling her this. Even though they had just met the day before, it felt like they had known each other forever and she couldn’t shake that feeling.

“You don’t know me” she sounded dejected which only broke the blonde’s heart even more.

“I know enough Lexa. I don’t need to know you that much to know that you’re a really nice person who doesn’t deserve a lot of things.” The brunette still couldn’t look the blonde in the eye. When Clarke reached for her hand she half expected the brunette to pull away but instead she laced their fingers and squeezed.  
They sat in comfortable silence. Finishing off their food before having to head back which they reluctantly did still holding hands. 

“Alex?” the blonde said randomly. She chuckled at the brunette’s confused look. “You’re name.”  
Realization dawned on the brunette’s face when she seemingly recalled their earlier conversation.

“Nope. Close but no.” they go back and forth like that during their stroll back to the school. 

“Can I at least get a hint?” Clarke almost pleads as the school comes into view.

“Nope” she says popping the ‘p’ with a smirk on her lips and Clarke really finds it hard to not think about how those lips would feel against her own.

“That’s not fair” the blonde whines.

“Life isn’t fair.” Clarke ignored the hint of sadness in her tone and trudged on.

“You sound like my mother” the blonde smirks

“She’s a wise woman.” Her teasing tone back.

“Don’t tell her that. She won’t stop meddling in my life if you do.” The blonde chuckles thinking about the smug smile her mother would indeed be sporting if she heard that.  
When they got to the door of the school building hands still connected the brunette stopped and tugged on their hands signaling the blonde to stop. She turned to look at Lexa who had a shy smile and a slight blush on her cheeks the sight so endearing it made Clarke’s heart flutter.

“Thank you for having lunch with me.” her nervousness causing the blonde to chuckle.

“If memory serves me right I asked you to lunch. So I should be the one thanking you” Clarke said through a smile at how darker the brunette’s cheeks turned. Lexa cleared her throat clearly trying to regain her composure.

“Well then thank you for inviting me.”

“Always” Clarke said blushing herself.

“Can I borrow your phone?” the brunette asked out of nowhere.

“Sure” Clarke handed it over quickly finding it odd how much she suddenly trusted the brunette. She watched as the brunette went to work on her phone. When she was done she handed it back and with a kiss to the blonde’s cheek she untangled their fingers and walked through the doors with a final goodbye leaving the stunned and furiously blushing blonde at the door sporting a dorky wide grin.  
With the same grin plastered on her face Clarke made it to her next class she was really late and the teacher had made some comment but she really wasn’t paying attention, her mind still dazed from the events of the day. She went towards the back of the class to her seat, sat down still thinking about her day and regretting ever leaving her safe haven with the brunette. Minutes later she got a text from said brunette

 

Alexandria: I’m so bored. I wish we could have stayed.  
Clarke: me too. 

 

Her smile growing with every text exchanged and completely ignoring the curios looks she was getting from Raven who she was sharing the lesson with. This was a really good day indeed. Clarke couldn’t stop herself from counting down the minutes till her day was over so she could see the other girl again. The brunette has something dark about her but also a majority of good that seem to draw the blonde to her, and Clarke realizes in that moment that she wants the entirety of the brunette the good and the bad.


	5. i'm scared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning.
> 
> please skip where there is =======
> 
> if you have triggers from violence. i will summaries the part in the end notes.
> 
> -sam
> 
> please don't hate me

I really don’t understand why I can’t sleep. My brain told me to sleep but my body seemed reluctant, like it was waiting for something to happen. The pain from the beating days ago had since subsided and I haven’t had any more doses since then. My guess is that Titus feels bad for the breaking the ‘rules’. The ‘unspoken agreement’ so he seized the beatings for the past few days for me to recover but his exact words being- ‘I can’t have my punching bag die on me now, can I?’- I can never get rid of the evil glint in his eyes every time he talks about me like I’m an object. A resource at his disposal and there’s only so much a person can take before they crack. After years of this ill treatment maybe I’ve started to believe him. Maybe I am worthless. If the darkening bruises on my abdomen are nothing to go by. My ribs still hurt a bit if I moved to fast or didn’t sit comfortably but the Morphine that my uncle always seems to have. Where he gets it I never know.

 

Before I could think myself into a panic attach thinking about my worth my phone rings. I reach for it over at the night stand not even bothering with the caller ID.

 

“Hello?” my breath a bit too quick for my liking.

“hey it’s Clarke. Sorry if this is a bad time” she sounded nervous. It’s kinda cute.

“No it’s cool. Why are you awake it’s like 11pm Clarke. Are you okay?” I don’t know why but my brain automatically went to thinking that something bad had happened.

“Yeah!... No… I’m okay. I couldn’t sleep.” The sound of static came through the phone, she must be moving.

“Me neither… so what can I do you for Miss Griffin.” 

“So chivalrous..,” she let out a chuckle “ I was actually wondering if you… umm… if are busy tomorrow after school. Maybe we could catch a movie or something…” she was rambling have I mentioned how cute that is.

“Are you asking me out Clarke?” its been a month since the lunch ‘date’. Clarke and I have grown to be friends and I must admit that she makes me feel thinks that I’ve tried for years to not feel. She brings out a part of me that I’ve hidden for as long as I can remember, the part of me that rendered me undeserving of my parents love.

 

“I… I don’t know. Yes? I know we just recently met but I like you. Like, like like you and I don’t know what it means but recently I’ve found myself incapable of thinking of anything else but you. And I just got the courage to do this, so… you know what never mind… it was foolish of me. Forget I called. I’m sorry for disturbing you.” And before I could utter the yes that was at the tip of my tongue the call ended.

 

===============================================================================================================

 

I was about to call her back when I heard the door open and shut. The ruckus that sounded from downstairs signaled my worst nightmare. ‘He’s back. He’s early which can only mean that he had a bad time at the bar and he’s in a pissy mood.’ I crossed my fingers hoping, no praying that the next sounds would be what I’m dreading.

 

The Gods must hate me today because only a minute later I hear the unmistakable thud and creaking of hunter boots on the old worn out staircase. The footsteps stopped right outside my room and the shadow of his feet could be seen. I quickly threw the covers over my face willing myself to calm my breath.

 

“Alexandria!” the shadow moved away from my door “You won’t believe what happened today at the bar” the creaking of the door for my aunt’s room. 

“Some bitch thought she could get me to buy her a drink and not fuck me instead” the opening and closing of drawers “I bought her the drink and a few more. And I was about to take what’s mine. What rightfully belong to men. What I bought from her with those drinks. And you know what happened!” the shuffling of paper.

“The BITCH passed out! So imagine how embarrassed I was. I couldn’t take her like that, Passed out!” the noise from the other room stops. “What would my mates think of me? They’d think I was bad in bed because they couldn’t hear the little whore scream.” The drawer closes. 

“So you know what I did?” the footsteps start again. “I left her” the other door closes. My breathing quickens.

“But you know what the problem is?” he stops by my door

“I didn’t get my release. That slut left me wound up.” KNOCK “And that is where you come in” KNOCK “You are going to help me get rid of this like the slut I know you are.” The cold chuckle he releases sends shivers down my spine.

 

“ALEXANDRIA!!” his voice maniacal through the door “I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!! ANSWER ME GODDAMN IT!” BANG! The door flies open and it takes all the strength I have to not flinch. Terror coursed through my bones as long powerful strides come nearer. Tears sprang to my eyes as he grabbed me by the hair then the next thing I know I’m thrown to the floor and my back collides with the wall opposite my bed. A sharp pain springs and I bit down on my lip holding back the edge to scream. I learnt a while ago that screaming has mixed effects on him. 

 

Before I could even catch my breath he was punching and kicking, I couldn’t breathe.

 

“You Fucking Whore how DARE you ignore me when I’m talking to you!” his voice so close to my ear that I worried I might be impaired in only one ear. 

“Fuck you” my voice barely above a whisper but he heard it because not soon after that his rough calloused hand connected with my cheek. I could already feel the damage he’s done in 5 minutes. My lip feels swollen, so does my left eye. My legs feel weak underneath me. I could do nothing more that lay there while he ‘wore me out’. 

“Fuck you I will” smug smile firmly in place as he went about unbuckling his pants.” He grabbed my arm and spread me out on the cold floor. There was really nothing I could do as he tore through the baggy shirt I wear to sleep. Suddenly I was glad I wore a sports bra. I could feel his scratchy hands move up my skin, stopping above my ribcage forcefully, painfully kneading on my breasts through the bra. 

 

When I felt his lips on my neck, stale alcohol stained breath burning my nose hairs. His rough tongue invading the softness of my skin. I couldn’t take it anymore I reached out while he was still distracted by my skin and grabbed the lamp that had fell and gone unnoticed. With one swift move I hit him hard over the head. That should leave a mark. But I didn’t care as soon as he was off me I dragged myself off the ground and staggered down the stairs as fast as I could. Yanking the door open I could already hear his outraged cry but I didn’t care. I did the only think I could think of worth doing, I ran. Ignoring my protesting body, I ran until I could no longer feel my lungs and my legs ached. I was considerably slowed down by the pain running through my body. 

 

I thought I was fast but I guessed wrong because soon enough the footsteps that had been following me since I left the house drew nearer until I was sent to the ground by the crushing weight of another human. It took me a minute to realize that I’d been tackled, I was trapped on the ground with an unpleasant weight crushing my back and the scent of stale alcohol once again burning my nose hairs. The pain shot up as soon as my front made contact with the tarred road. 

 

The weight on my back lifted long enough for a hand to grab my arm and forcefully and turn me on my back. This time I summoned all the strength I had and I fought back. Kicking and screaming in the dark of night only to have that same calloused hand cover my mouth to muffle my screams. I didn’t care I kept fighting, kicking, throwing punches, digging my nails into his skin anything that would make him stop trying to tug my pants down.

 

“Stop fighting BITCH!” he seethes “You know you like it. Just like the little whore you are. Stop fighting and enjoy it. I know I will.” The dangerous smirk he always wears when he does things like this firmly placed on his face.   
As he fights with my pants I take the opportunity to bite the hand around my mouth, with a grunt he removes his hand.

 

“Get off! Get off! Get the fuck off!...” I was starting to feel hopeless. So I did the one think I knew he wanted.

“I’m sorry I ran away. I’m sorry that little whore fell asleep. Please let me go” I begged. He shifted and that’s when I felt the cold sharp tip of metal. One that could only belong to a knife. The tip was slowly but surely coming down harder against my skin. I could already feel it breaking my skin.

 

“How do you feel know huh? Not so powerful are you. You are just a worthless piece of space and a waste of food. A girl like you could only be good for one thing.”

 

“I’m so sorry. I’ll be better, I promise just please don’t kill me. Please don’t kill me” at this point the blade was moving deeper into my skin. My screams filled the dark street-light illuminated streets. My tears and my blood tinting the gravel road. His eyes, filled with anger and hatred and in that moment that is when I thought it was it for me. I was destined to die at the mercy of my uncle. I will never get to see my wedding day, or have kids. This is it for me.

 

==============================================================================================================

 

“Lexa! Lexa!... Wake up… Please” i know that voice.

 

I woke up so quickly that I was almost off my seat and out the door had a certain blonde was holding me in her arms gently rocking us. I don’t know. I couldn’t hold it back anymore, so for once I stopped trying and I cried. I let go. Everything that has been weighing me down all the baggage released in pitiful ragged sobs, but the blonde didn’t seem to mind, she just ran he hand up and down soothingly down my spine. I don’t know how long we’d been like that but eventually we parted. She looked at me expectantly legs crossed on the floor waiting.

“Are you okay?” she breaks the silence

“I am now… Thanks” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” eyes hopeful but specs of what one may take as worry hidden in her eyes.

“Nightmare” I shrug. She hums in acknowledgement

“Do you have them regularly?” 

“nah!” just this one every night “Its probably stress” not a total lie

“Are you okay really though?” I was going to shrug it off but here’s the thing. She finds it hard to lie to the blonde. So she tells a truth. An exasperated sigh escapes my lips and my tears build up again.

“I’m scared.” I look back into her eyes and the tears fall freely. I see the worry that takes over her face so I grab my things as quickly as possible and I run out. I can hear her calling for me to stop but I don’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so Lexa's having nightmares except they actually happened so they are in some way a tampered memory.
> 
> anyways... Titus comes home drunk from a bar and starts harassing Lexa.


	6. Where'd you go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the Gang look for Lexa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the mistakes i didn't have time to edit it.

She woke up so fast and unexpectedly that Clarke had to take a step back and grab her arm so she wouldn’t fall. The blonde looked into the brunette’s eyes. Eyes that were filled with sorrow; hurt the amount of emotion in them, the vulnerability enough to shatter the girl’s heart. ‘How could anyone want to hurt such a pure soul. 

 

The girl fought against Clarke as though she thought she would hurt her, but Clarke only tightened her hold on the girl letting her use her as a punching bag for her emotions, even though it hurt. She had a feeling that the brunette has been through more than she lets up. Clarke suddenly felt the urge to protect the now crying girl as she rocked her back and forth in her arms. She wanted to protect the girl from the world and help her fight her demons. God knows the brunette has a lot of them. Clarke was taken a-back when she felt arms hesitantly wrap around her waist. The way her arms seemed to find their place on her middle like they belonged there, and truth be told Clarke would not object to being touched like this frequently. 

 

……………….

 

The library was empty when the blonde came in (well she thought it was empty). She had just come in to borrow a book for one of her classes. Walking through the aisles of books she heard a voice, coated with fear and vulnerability.

 

“Please don’t kill me” she hadn’t even located the source of the voice but she felt her heart aching for the person. Walking over to the edge of the lane she was in to the right she followed the voice to a secluded table in the corner of the library hidden behind shelves. 

 

A girl was sprawled over the table brunette locks sticking to a sweat covered face. It took a moment for the blonde to realize that she knew the voice. Lexa. Not once has she ever heard the brunette in such distress or her voice so small. But to be fair they had only known each other a month. A whimper tore her mind from her thoughts.

 

Clarke turned her attention to the brunette whose breathing was coming in short pants. She has to do something before the brunette past out from the lack of oxygen in her sleep. So she knelt down in front of the girl and rubbed her back trying to gently coax her out her dream. When the gentle tone wasn’t working and Lexa’s breathing was becoming shallow so she took another route, shaking the girl and yelling her name to get her out of the hell she seemed to be in now. 

 

……………………

 

Once the brunette’s broken sobs subsided the girls sat there a while. Clarke on the floor facing the girl waiting for the girl to gather herself.

 

“Are you Okay?” she already knew the answer of course

 

“I am now… Thanks” well that was unexpected. Normally people don’t confess their troubles after being caught in a nightmare. Clarke didn’t know what she was expecting but that wasn’t it.

 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” she was truthful for a minute there so the blonde hoped she would open up a bit. 

 

“Nightmare” ‘obviously’. She said it like it didn’t matter but Clarke could tell looking into the brunette’s eyes that it was the complete opposite.

 

“Do you have them regularly?” ‘say something. Anything. Let me help you, please’ those words unspoken, but she really did mean them.

 

“Nah!” Clarke’s hope was diming “It’s probably just stress” That’s a clear lie but the blonde tries again hoping that maybe this time the brunette would open up. 

 

“Are you okay… really though?” when the girl didn’t reply. The blonde let out defeated sigh and was about to get up when the long awaited reply came.

 

“I’m scared” the voice small laced with so much emotion made the blonde stop her movements. But before the blonde could formulate a response the girl ran. She ran so fast Clarke thought she could see a trail of dust following her, just as the girl passed, the blonde caught the start of something the girl was mumbling to herself. ‘I’ve said too much’. Clarke tried to call out for the girl to stop but by the time she staggered to her feet and headed after the brunette she was gone.

 

=====================================================================================

Lexa’s POV

========================================================

 

I couldn’t stand to be there any longer. It didn’t matter that it was only break-time and I had hours more of school left. It didn’t matter that they would probably call my guardian to tell them I left school. I kept running past the gate where the guard stood waiting for my permission slip. One I didn’t have so I didn’t stop when he called for me much like the blonde did. I kept running even though I really didn’t have any general direction. As long as I was far away from school, and far away from the hell hole I am supposed to call a home and a ratchet man that should love me but doesn’t.

 

I kept running ignoring the protests my body was making, and soon enough I found myself at the park two down from the school. It was relatively empty except for a few people. I walked over and sat on a bench in front of the pond, watching couples pass by with their children. There was one thing that caught my attention, the adorably little girl feeding the ducks by the pond, giggling clearly amused by the feathery creatures huddled around her waiting for treats. She looked no older than eight-years old, with brunette hair in pigtails and her pink cardigan the little girl was a picture of pure happiness. I looked over when a voice broke through my thoughts, a voice I’d never heard before. 

 

There stood a woman who looked like she was in her mid-thirties, in the arms of a man who judging by their position, hand on her lower back with another in her hair enclosed in a loving hug.

 

“Alex let’s go honey” the woman said, that’s when I noticed the little girl Alex running towards the happy couple taking hold of their outstretched hands. The looks of unconditional love and adoration they gave the child made my heart pang with an emotion I’ve known forever. I was jealous I admit it. How could I not be when the entirety of my 15 years have been hell? When my parents couldn’t care less enough about. When I’ve never seen my parents look at me the way that couple looks at their daughter.

 

The memories came crashing back, the day things changed, the cold shoulder they gave me, the fake smiles and one word replies. The way my dad would ignore me completely, how defective I felt when they brought home a new child and then I was completely forgotten. The way they would glare at me if I spoke out of terms. My mother’s biting remarks to anything I said.

 

I couldn’t take it anymore, the thoughts where clouding my mind so I ran, without thinking about it I got up and bolted. I wish it would be this easy to run from my past, but the thought would not stop coming and I always let them in. they filled my head with all the things my parents would do and say to me up until the day my life turned from bad to worse. The fight echoed through my mind with the wind drying my tears. The hateful words they said that night, ones that still haunt me till this day.

 

Then suddenly my foot caught and I was falling, face first into the earth the air was knocked from my lungs. My eyes welled up with tears from the fall, I tried to lift my head but it was too heavy. My vision blurred but just before the darkness consumed me I felt a hand brush hair from my face, and I could only make out brown. Then I was gone.

 

=====================================================================================

-Clarke’s POV-

 

After the brunette ran out Clarke contemplated going after her but thought against it. She did have othe lessons to attend right now. She thought that maybe it would be good to give the girl sometime to herself first. She’d find her after class. Clarke found it almost impossible to concentrate all she could think about was the brunette and her words ‘I’m scared’. What could she be scared of?

 

What seems like ages of anxiously tapping her foot against the ground later, the after school bell rang and Clarke was out the door before anyone could get up from their seats. She couldn’t care less about the assignment they were being given. All she cared about was finding Lexa to make sure she was okay.

 

Her class was just filling out when the blonde got there. She waited for the brunette but she never came out, she even looked inside but there was nobody left in there. ‘Did she dodge me?’ Clarke thought.

 

“Can I help you Miss?” Miss Nia asked.

“Uh… No ma’am. I was just looking for someone”

“Well as you can see there is nobody here” her tone snarky

“I can see that. Sorry” what a bitch.

 

She was heading towards her locker when she saw Niylah and Luna by Luna’s locker. As far as the blonde is concerned Luna and Lexa are best friends so she figured that maybe the girl would know where she was.

 

“Hey, have you guys seen Lexa?” Clarke asked as she stopped before them, earning herself a few confused glances.

“Not since lunch. Why?” Luna was the first to speak up concern lacing her voice.

“I saw her at the library at lunch and she seemed distressed but before I could ask what was wrong she ran out on me. I haven’t seen her since and her classmates say she never made it to her last lessons. And I’m worried because she looked really out of it.” The blonde could feel the tears sting at the back of her eyes as her throat got blocked by the lump forming. Clarke was really worried about Lexa. Then arms had her in a warm embrace.

 

“hey, Its going to be okay. Lexa’s going to be fine, we will find her and I’ll help. Okay?” Luna’s voice filled her ears as she rested her forehead in the crook of the girl’s neck. 

“Yeah… I’ll help too. She may have just fallen asleep somewhere.” Niylah put a hand on the small of the girls back, trying to lighten the mood. All Clarke could do was nod. Once Clarke has gathered herself they look for and recruit Octavia and Raven for their hunting trip.

 

“Operation find Lexie is a go!” Raven exclaimed making Luna chuckle

“Don’t let her hear you call her that” 

“Oh please! I could take woods anytime any day” this time everyone laughed thinking about the petite out of shape brunette trying to fight with Lexa who was the opposite.

 

They split up to cover more ground. Luna with Clarke took to searching outside while the rest searched the school. Hours of searching later nobody found Lexa. She wasn’t answering the texts and calls they were going to go knock on the brunette’s house door but Luna advised against it. When asked why she went with ‘Lexa isn’t allowed visitors after a certain time’. Which was understandable really most people weren’t.

 

Clarke was getting even more worried with every passing minuet and it didn’t help when she heard the distant sirens. Where could Lexa be?


	7. He'll kill me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew find Lexa.  
> Lexa runs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so very sorry! I know its late and its short. I promise to make it up to you guys.
> 
> -sam

The first thing I noticed was that my body was moving, there were voices around me. I couldn’t really make out what they were saying. My head was aching and my body was back to being painful and a new pain on my right ankle it wasn’t big but it was there along with the cold on it. I went against the wishes of my body and opened my eyes. I need to know where I am. Blinking against the sudden light everything was fuzzy and my head was throbbing. The strong smell of disinfectant burns my nose hairs and the fluorescent lights burn my eyes through the blurriness. I tried to sit up, groaning as I did alarmed one of the people pushing me that I was awake. 

 

“Hey there doll. You need to rest and stay still you hit your head really hard there” with a hand on my chest the woman gently pushed me down. My head started spinning so I obliged. The movement stopped and I felt my body being lifted underneath and placed on to something else, the shifting caused pain to shoot up from my ribs which I instantly held and an involuntary whimper escaped my lips. A hand was instantly on me trying to coax me from the fetal position I subconsciously made from the pain. I didn’t register what she said but it was the voice from earlier. 

 

I don’t know how it happened but one minute I was in my fetal position then I was on my back. Cold air caressed my skin as my top rid up slowly I reached up to bring it down when I heard a gasp. My head shot up, FUCK! The woman from before was cupping her hands over her mouth eyes shining with tears. Eyes flickering from my exposed skin to my eyes, that one action made it click. She saw. I suddenly registered what she was wearing, something I should have checked earlier. The blonde woman before me was wearing blue scrubs with a stethoscope around her neck.

 

SHIT! I’m in the hospital.

 

****

 

Clarke’s POV

 

Hours later the gang gave up looking and went to wait at Luna’s house since it was closest to the brunette’s house, taking turns, each girl would wait up to keep an eye on the house across the street. There was really no reason for the stake out just the gnawing feeling that something bad might have happened to the brunette. Clarke couldn’t explain the feeling but she just had to find the brunette to make sure she was alright. The blonde was beyond grateful for the new friends she made here, ones that had her back and were willing to spend their Friday night in a cramped room scouting for one of their friends because she had a hunch.

 

The blonde’s attention was brought back by a hand on her shoulder and a steaming cup of coffee. It was her watch so the coffee was appreciated.

“We’ll find her Clarke.” Luna’s voice rang into her ears. “She’s out there somewhere but we’ll find her”

“Yeah” Octavia’s voice broke through “Maybe she’s just taking a walk and lost track of time or got lost. She’ll come back.”

“I don’t know guys” Clarke’s voice was laced with worry “I just have a bad feeling about this. You didn’t see the way she looked when she ran out. It was like she was… lost.” The blonde sighed “I just have a bad feeling about this.”

 

Luna’s arm came around her shoulders and pulled her into a reassuring hug. 

“You guys can stay here if you want. My mom’s out of town. Plus it’s getting pretty late.” A series of agreements later except for Niylah who had to leave but was promised to be updated if anything came up, everyone set out to call their parent to ask for permission.

 

Clarke decided upon calling her mother last since she would need more convincing with this idea.

 

‘Hey mom’ she said into the phone once the ringing stopped  
“Hi darling” Clarke could hear the bustling of the hospital through the phone “What’s wrong?” Abby always had a way of knowing if something was off with her daughter  
“I was actually wondering if I could sleep over at a friend’s house tonight” voice earnest  
“Why?” the crackling of the phone signifying she was moving  
“One of our friends’ may be in trouble so we’re coming together to see if we could help. I already talked to dad he said I could if you said yes.” 

 

Abby in truth always worried about her daughter ever since the events of last year at her previous school she has been protective. No mother ever wants their child to go through such a thing. So imagine her surprise when she gets a call from the school one day telling her that her angelic non-violent daughter who was slowly becoming a distant stranger had punched another kid so hard that it broke his nose. She was glad that her daughter was making new friends, ones that didn’t judge her, from what she’s seen of Octavia and Raven so far, ones that would come together for the sake of another friend without having been asked twice. Under normal circumstances she would go all mama-bear and refuse without batting an eye-lash unless she’s known who said friend was for over a year. But for some reason she didn’t find it necessary this time.

 

Clarke had been expecting a long rant about who said friend was; where they lived, how far it was from their house. She had even expected her mom to want to talk to Luna’s parents or Luna herself but instead all she got was;

 

“Who are you with?” A question she knew should be asked but was not expecting it until at least all the other questions were answered. Clarke listed all her friends and was met with a meek okay and to be safe before the conversation was interrupted but screams on the other side.

 

‘Let me go’ was the chant the voice that disturbed was singing. Clarke froze, it couldn’t be. Could it? All these weeks of hearing that voice every single day. How could she not know it. She didn’t register her falling phone, the hasty good-bye her mother gave or even the worried voices of her friends asking if she was okay. With a dramatic turn always witnessed in movies and facial expression shocked like she’d seen a ghost Clarke uttered the words that she feared were true no matter how much she wished they weren’t.

 

“I know were Lexa is.”

 

***** 

 

Lexa’s POV

 

I need to get out of here. That’s all I could think about. They already saw the bruises, what if they call the cops. They’ll ask questions. Questions I can’t answer because he’d kill me if I told the truth and they’d arrest me if I lied. The truth that will break my aunt’s heart, and I can’t be responsible for that. She’d hate me and frankly I don’t think I can take anyone else’s hatred, especially from her. 

 

Before I could think anything through my feet are on the ground and I’m running. Ignoring al the pain and the way my body is screaming for me to just sleep, which I can’t have if I want to survive. Through the door into the hallway, my vision is fuzzy my head is spinning but I don’t care, I can’t stay so I just keep running focusing on the cold under my bare feet instead of the pain radiating from my ankle. 

 

I’m followed by the screams of the blonde nurse asking for help but people seemed to stunned since no one made a move to catch me, at least I thought so. People started trying to grab me, fingers grazing my skin, the pain in my body limiting my speed, the major head-ache I was sporting limiting my vision and my ability to think really quickly.

 

So absorbed I was in my sudden need to escape that I didn’t register the blurry figure in-front of me until I collided with it. Hands where instantly around me forcing me to stay but it didn’t stop my fighting. Hand were all over me trying to get me to stay still, screams for assistance by others didn’t help my case, but a voice seemed to push through my panicking thoughts. Giving words of reassurance I really wanted to listen to her but I knew I couldn’t so instead my mouth took the liberty of screaming the words ‘let me go’ just to drown out her voice. 

 

With my left hand held still suddenly a cold material broke into my skin. I could feel my resolve cracking my fight weakening. My body was pulled into an embrace by strong but somehow gentle hands. Brunette covered my vision and I suddenly realized that I had started sobbing, a hand ran along my back in a comforting sense and the slight scent of the blonde and blue-eyed girl I had grown so fond of caressed by nose. Blinded by the drugs and momentary sense of security I said the words that keep running through my mind but I can’t do anything to stop;

 

“Please…” I sobbed “Let me go, let me go…” quickly losing my battle against the darkness   
“He’ll kill me.” then it all went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliff-hanger!!! I know I'm EVIL!  
> But I had TO!!
> 
> -Sam


	8. Scattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She found Lexa!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry its late I know. But I figured what better way to end a Monday night than with a little Clexa?  
> Hope you like it!!!

*****************

 

“What do you mean you know where she is?” Luna was freaking out. They’d been looking for a long time now and suddenly out of nowhere the blonde says she found her after a phone call to her mother.

 

“I’ll explain in the car just go wake up Reyes while I get the rest of the guys and we’ll go” the blonde was out of the room before the girl could ask another question. 

 

On the ride to the car the questions from the three other girls was becoming unbearable, so Clarke told them the outline of what happened. The details of the conversation were not hers’ to tell about just like the details about her and Lexa’s encounter in the library.

 

The drive seemed to take forever for Clarke. She couldn’t wait to see the brunette to find out if she was okay. So it was only natural that immediately when the car stopped moving she bolted out of the car leaving three screaming girls in her wake. She didn’t care about the fact that she was running in front of moving cars all she wanted to do was see the brunette. It had only been a few hours sure but a lot can happen in just a few hours.

 

What seemed like kilometers of running later the blonde finally made it inside the busy hospital and to the receptionist, a brunette woman named Maya. She wouldn’t tell Clarke which room Lexa was in and that really agitated the blonde. That was how her friends found her when they came in a minute later, arguing with the receptionist, Maya. By now a crowd of not-so-subtle on looker had gathered until a very concerned and confused brunette woman stepped in to diffuse the tension before things escalated.

 

Imagine her surprise when the culprit of this disturbance is a very annoyed looking blonde with blue eyes, who goes by the name Clarke Griffin, and also happens to be her daughter.

 

Clarke was too pissed to think about the fact that this was her mothers’ work place, too frustrated to think about the repercussions it could have for her mother in the work place. But then again Abby Griffin was has always been a no-nonsense kind of woman when it came to the work place, so she was pretty sure she could take care of herself. 

 

Once her eyes landed on the brunette woman in the crowed she ran towards her, since she figured Maya wasn’t going to help. She ran into her mothers’ arms who had to step back at the sudden weight. It was rare for Clarke to be this touchy-feely with her mother without a reason, it was usually with her father. What can she say? She has always been a daddy’s girl, much to Abby’s dismay at the beginning of the development. It hurt a bit at the beginning but Abby really had no one to blame for the drift if not she. Clarke of course understood this. Her mother loves her job and she was good at it. On the plus side she was saving lives every-day and Clarke admired her for that. She might not tell her mother this but she looks up to her. 

“Clarke what are you doing here?” arms still around Clarke’s figure

“Can’t a girl miss her mother?” her voice muffled slightly by her mother’s shoulder, where she had her head buried. She heard the skeptical hum her mother released and sighed. Un-burying her head she told her mother the story leaving out certain parts up until the reason behind the sleep-over.

“What makes you think your friend is here?” Abby had been patiently listening. She genuinely thought that maybe her friend was just at another friends’ house or rather yet at a boyfriends’ house. Teenage drama she internally sighed. But really she didn’t dare voice those thoughts because the look her daughter was sporting told her it wouldn’t be wise. Her daughter cares about this girl and she about her daughter so she would help where possible.

“Well I heard a voice when I was talking to you and I swear it was Lexa’s” suddenly I clicked.

“What does she look like?” Abby asked cautiously. Before the blonde could answer a voice spoke up from behind her.

“Tall, tan skin, brunette hair and green eyes. Have you seen her?” Luna coated spoke up, worry coating her voice.

“A girl was brought in earlier by an ambulance called by another. There was an accident prier and the girl says she found her. You can speak to the girl who found her later. For now she’s still speaking to the police.” Abby concluded facing the whole group. Clarke was about to ask when again someone beat her to it.

“Wait. The Police? What are the feds doing here what kind of accident are we talking?” Raven was on the edge of worry now. Lexa was like a sister to her and not just because she was dating her sister. Speaking of Anya, Raven was dreading having this conversation with her. She’d called her earlier before she fell asleep to tell her about the recent predicaments, lets just say Anya didn’t take it well so Raven had promised to update her.

“Umm… well the nurse who had helped wheel her in noticed when she constantly clutched her abdomen in pain, so when she went to check, and lifted her shirt her whole abdomen was filled with bruises and cuts.” A series of gasps filled the air, including Luna’s. 

“She’s currently getting an x-ray done to check if anything is broken. I am going to need her parental information they must be worried sick.” Abby drawled, and all Clarke could think was what kind sick bastard would do such a thing to the sweet and slightly reserved girl she had come to know as Lexa, one of if not her most favorite friends. She was pulled from her thoughts by Luna’s voice.

“She doesn’t live with her parents” something Clarke knew but never knew why. Parents were a sore subject of sorts for the brunette so Clarke out of the dislike of seeing a crestfallen look on the gorgeous face Lexa has she steered clear of the subject.

“Well do you have the contact information of her current guardians?” No-body thought twice about the statement loads of people lived with their family members not precisely being the parents only, so Abby wouldn’t prod. With a meek ‘sure’ Luna walked towards the front desk with Clarke’s mother away from the group.

Clarke was an anxious mess and her friends could tell, so when she felt an arm around her she couldn’t help but relax slightly.

“Relax Clarke she’s going to be okay.” Octavia whispered to her. She was the friend who knew how to calm others down or in certain situations rile them up but she liked taking the calming route more often unlike Raven who was the complete opposite of Octavia.

 

The girls moved to the waiting area awaiting any form of new from Abby. After what felt like hours the brunette woman showed up and everyone was up in a heart-beat.

 

“She has a sprained ankle, a few fractured ribs. Bruises all over her body they seem to be strategically placed so they aren’t noticeable to the outside eye unless shown. She also has cuts but they seem shallow so they are didn’t need to be stitched. Some of the bruises and cuts are pretty old, some bruises are fading as well as some of the cuts she also may have a concussion from the fall but we won’t know until she wakes up. She’s in her room right now sleeping and you’re allowed to visit but one at a time for today so who’s going first?” Abby had watched as the teenager’s faces morph from anxiousness to fear to shock, settling on anger with a bit of relief in front of her. 

 

As if by mutual agreement Clarke felt herself being pushed forward, with a nod her mother led her from the waiting area to a room she presumed to be Lexa’s but instead of opening the door Abby stopped in front of it and turned to face the blonde back turned towards the door. Eyes searching Clarke almost making her shrink into herself at the intensity of the stare.

“You have feelings for her.” It wasn’t a question, just a statement but Abby raised an eyebrow as if daring the blonde to object. When she didn’t but merely turned her gaze to the floor beneath her, She smiled and cleared her throat.

“I need you to make her confess.” At that Clarke lifted her gaze to question her mother.

“What are you talking about?” She was starting to fear the worst

“The bruises Clarke they are big. The diameters of the circles that have formed indicate a big fist. There is also one more defined on her arm, the hands are male. The person who did or did doing this to her is a man of a woman with really big hands.” Abby dragged a hand through her hair and sighed, poor girl.

“So what you think this was an assault?” her own words sent a shiver down Clarke’s spine.

“Maybe…” another sigh “Have you been to her home Clarke?” she had to know. With a confused Clarke answered her.

“No, she always said her aunt doesn’t like visitors when she’s not home” she had to ask “What are you thinking mom?” Clarke was pretty sure she knew the answer but she needed to hear her mother say it. A heavy sigh was released across her before her mother spoke again, confirming her suspicions.

“I think Lexa is being abused.” Those six words sent a shiver filled with dread down Clarke’s spine filling her stomach. How could she have not thought of it earlier it makes sense. She didn’t answer her mother; there was really nothing she could say to answer that. Instead she nodded replacing her mother’s hand on the door-handle, taking a deep breath she readied herself for what she would find behind the door and what she was about to do. With a release of the breath she opened the door, and so it began.

 

=====================================================================================   
Lexa’s POV  
=====================================================================================

 

When I woke up this time the first thing I registered was the warm hand in mine, helping relax my bod profusely originally I was going to slip my hand away, such contact is so new to me, so foreign but so right at the same time. The grip around my hand only tightened, the tension that started building in my body easing with that one squeeze. The funny thing is that I haven’t even opened my eyes yet.

“Lex?” her voice is so gentle, so soft, I was contemplating just not opening my eyes and pretending that I’m asleep but her next words wiped that thought from my mind.

“I know you’re awake. You can’t sleep forever and I’ll be right here the entire time.” Somehow her voice was almost pleading. With a heavy sigh I opened my eyes to find shiny golden waves, and tired blue eyes with bags around them, but even with her disheveled appearance she looked like an angel. An angel that must never encounter my demos, it might ruin her.

“Hi” my voice a bit hoarse. As if she could read my mind a glass of water was put on my lips.

 

When I was done drinking with the glass finally put back on its resting place on the desk, Clarke helped me sit up slightly with a groan. We made light conversation for a while, but the tension in the air around us, so thick, so palpable it was choking. For some reason I knew what was coming. They saw my bruises, they saw the scares the evidence of the angry, drunken late night beatings, from the early daily hung-over morning beatings, so constant that it’s become a routine.

 

I hate to admit it but the mornings with him over my sprawled out body, throwing fist after fist until all his rage is gone, kick after kick until I’m suddenly left begging him for mercy, begging him to stop. He always loved having me beg. The late nights that I’m unlucky enough for a girl to have refused him when he’d come barging in fists held high in rage beckoning his walking punching bag to submit before him. These things have become so normal, a daily routine for me, all these things are now so miniscule. How can they not be when I’ve endured them for so long?

 

These are the things I know Clarke wants to know but isn’t ready to. The things that I want to say to her but I can’t, for her sake, I can’t. For the sake of my aunt so blindly in-love with this vile man that to rip away the happiness he makes her feel would seem like a crime on my end. My aunt deserves happiness, even just a little. For the sake of Clarke who’s personality can’t handle a wet cloth like this to dampen her bright fire. She can’t take such a big wrecking-ball. For the sake of Anya who’d shoulder the blame for all of these things that are happening but shouldn’t. For the sake of Aden who shouldn’t be allowed to see such a thing in his life especially from his own family. For Luna who would undoubtedly feel guilty for not telling any-one by my request. With all these people in mind my decision was made, so when the subject came up I was ready.

 

“In my old school there was this girl I liked Sophie. She was one of those rich, beautiful girls that were always liked by everyone and were always nice, no matter whom you were. I had a crush on her.” Well that was unexpected.

“We were on the tennis team together, so I saw her a lot. One day she offered to help me out with my serving and one hang out led to another and another until we were friends… We were at a party at her house and she had invited me and my friends who I lost after a couple of shots. Sophie found me and she led me to her bedroom because I was getting sick.” I could tell it was getting harder for her to continue.

“You don’t have to tell me” I said brushing my thumb over the back of her hand. With a heavy sigh she continued.

“We were on the floor and I was so drunk that I wasn’t thinking straight. We kissed, well she kissed me and I kissed her back. Then a friend of Sophie’s walked in on us.” She had went stiff, her body ridged I can feel it. “She shoved me away really hard and started screaming at me to get off her, telling me she’s straight and that I was trying to convert her.” There were tears in her eyes now and she was sniffling lightly. I said the only thing I could think of

“I’m sorry” I meant it. I was really sorry that there are people like Sophie in the world.

“It’s okay” a tear escaping her eye even with her vigorous attempts to stop them by blinking. “Anyways… When I went back to school, everyone knew. I no longer had friends, people would shove me into lockers, beat the shit out of me afterschool for no reason. I was constantly being called names, and pranked. I was no longer human in their eyes, no one cared about how what they did and said did to me. I was alone” the tears where now flowing freely. She let out a sad chuckle after a while.

“I must look like a mess” she sniffed

“You don’t. I don’t think you can even if you tried.” I was being honest; she never could look bad to me

“Lexa I need to talk to you” here it goes, after an internal sigh I turn to her and give a small nod.

“You have bruises” I turn away, it’s harder than I thought it would be “Lots of them and cuts too.” Silence clearly she expects me to say something but there’s nothing there for me to say.

“My mom thinks someone did it to you” silence “someone male, and they did it intentionally” my eyes still won’t meet hers. With an exasperated sigh she says her next words.

“I have to ask.” Her voice is soft 

“Are you being abused Lexa?” Silence, deafening silence, nothing but exactly that is what follows after that question

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments? I'd like to hear from ya'lls


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its really late I know and i'm sorry there's something wrong with the internet. iits not fixed yet sorry.

Clarke’s POV

 

She still hadn’t said anything the girl across from her was silent, Clarke thought that maybe she hadn’t heard her but before she could ask her voice the brunette’s voice rang through.

 

“What makes you think that?” her voice is innocent but defensive and also tired in a weird way Clarke is able to pick that out. 

 

“My mom told me about the bruises.” It was simple really, how else would she know?

 

“Ah…” followed by a hollow, cold laughter “well you’re mistaken. I’m not” 

 

“Apparently you have multiple bruises everywhere some old, some new. Cuts small, but there littering your body, my mother stopped counting at twenty-five. You have a few fractured ribs and a sprained ankle from your fall and possibly a concussion but that is not why I’m here to talk about.” The blonde concluded.

 

“What are you here to talk about?” Voice venomous and it’s weird for Clarke to hear that tone, a tone Lexa had never once used directed to her. She wasn’t even aware that such a tone could be produced by the brunette 

 

“I’m here to talk about the fact that you have bruises and cuts littering your body that clearly don’t seem like a mistake. So tell me the truth Lexa. Are. You. Being. Abused?” Annoyance was slightly evident in Clarke’s voice. She’s pretty sure that you’re not supposed to speak to victims of domestic abuse like that but she couldn’t get herself to care, she needed to know.

 

“No.” the brunette answered just one word nothing more.

“Then What the hell is going on Lexa?” The blonde was becoming irritable with the brunette’s continued denial.

 

“I’m taking martial arts” Lexa answered with a shrug, like it was that simple. In a way it was.

 

“Bullshit Lexa! I call BULL-SHIT!” Clarke took a moment to recollect herself at the brunette’s flinch, but instead of curling into herself like brunette often does she…

 

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY THEN?!” Clarke was taken aback by the brunette’s swearing, something she rarely ever does.

 

Silence fills the room for a beat, one, two, three-

Please.” Clarke breaks the silence, she has never been one to beg but it seems necessary at this point. She would even get to her knees if it meant Lexa would open up. She can’t really stomach the idea of one of her best friends being abused.

 

A deep sigh leaves the brunette’s lips, she’s not facing Clarke anymore instead she seems more interested on the ceiling. 

 

“It’s nothing Clarke please… just leave it alone.” That was the closest Clarke thought she would get to the truth from the brunette but instead of backing down like she knows she should she continues…

 

“But it is Lexa. If someone is hurting you I need to know, I can’t stomach the idea of anyone laying a hand on you menacingly or otherwise. Please… please Lexa talk to me.” there we go again with the begging.

 

Just then the brunette whose eyes had begun brimming with tears started sobbing. Clarke found her place next to her in an instant and brought her into a hug. The blonde doesn’t really know how long they had been that way and her body was starting to cramp from the weird position but she couldn’t bring herself to care when Lexa was crying in her arms. 

 

When the shuddering girl in her arms stopped sobbing Clarke went to pull away figuring that she might maybe the girl didn’t appreciate the gesture but when she tried to stand up the hands around her waist tightened…

 

“Stay… please” voice hoarse from the crying eyes pleading. So Clarke stayed, what else could she do when the person she loves asks her that. 

 

The brunette moved back on the bed to make room for the blonde who went to work covering them both up with the blankets on the bed, making sure the brunette was fully covered before laying down and letting the girl cuddle up on her, head on her chest as she draped her arms loosely over the girls slim figure mindful of her injuries. 

 

They stay like that for a while and just when Clarke thinks the brunette is asleep her voice echoes through.

 

“I’m sorry I yelled at you.” Voice barely above a whisper and coated with sleepiness. “I shouldn’t have done that”.

 

“Its okay Lex.” Her own voice filled with sleepiness

 

“But it’s not. I shouldn’t have done that it wasn’t my place to yell at you like that, I had no right to… I lost control.”

 

“Lex… listen to me. You yelled at me because I yelled first. You are allowed to feel, you’re only human, one can only do so much. You my darling are perfect in every way I don’t care what anyone says, no one has the right to treat you any less than you should be because you are amazing and honestly the best person I have ever met” the blonde places a kiss to the brunette’s forehead 

 

“Now sleep”

 

A beat of silence passes. 

 

“Thank you” 

 

The brunette whispered so softly that if it weren’t so silent Clarke wouldn’t have heard her.

 

“You’re welcome” with the same softness in her voice

 

With that they held each other until sleep took over them never once letting each other go in their sleep. Cuddled together through the whole night they slept. Clarke slept through the night, something she hasn’t done in a while.


	10. It all falls down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read and find out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I'm back and I'm very very sorry I've been gone for a long time. But I will finish this story I promise please don't hate me.
> 
> And tell me what you think?

It all falls down (chapter 10)

 

Lexa woke up the next morning to a face full of blonde hair. She readjusted herself so that she could be able to catch a glimpse of the blonde beauty in her arms.

 

It occurred to her that this was the best good night's rest she's had in the years she's spent living with her aunt.

 

Just then the blonde stirred, eyes shifting behind closed lids until finally blinking open to reveal the ocean blue orbs hidden behind. Their eyes met and identical grins spread across both their faces.

 

"G'morning" the blonde said through a yawn, voice slightly hoarse from sleep. Lexa thought it was cute no matter how much she'd outwardly deny such an alligation.

 

"Morning pretty lady" which acquired the intended reaction of a blush from the blonde. Seeing the blonde blush rose a stampede of emotions from the brunette. 

 

Clarke broke the silence however. 

 

"Lex, please I'm begging you. Be honest with me. I know you don't want to talk about this and I completely understand. It's emotional. But I can't Lex" her voice breaks but she continues 

 

"I can't stand watching you in pain, watching you suffer when I could help but I'm not doing anything. You don't deserve this Lex, you're so pure, so good, you're the most caring and considerate person I've ever met and I just- I want you to be okay. But you can't be okay and safe if you have to return to that house every night. I can't live knowing you'll be there and he'll be doing whatever he wants with you. So please Lexa, I am begging you... tell the truth. Tell someone, tell me and I'll get my mom and we'll do everything we possibly can for you. Just trust me please."

 

At this point Clarke is a teary mess and Lexa is not any better.  
Lexa reaches over, even though her body protests to the action she pushes through the pain and wipes the cascading tears from the blondes face as she continues to sniffle. Then she begins

 

"Clarke, I do trust you. I've spent years being alone and being weary of new people only for you to walk in and make me trust you in just a few weeks.  
I will do absolutely anything for you and I appreciate that you care... but you have to understand that I-I can't Clarke, I just can't " 

 

"WHY NOT?!" the blonde yells. Lexa doesn't think she's ever heard her yell. Well not at her that is. 

 

Clarke has moved away from her grasp at this point and is now sitting up looking down at Lexa, who was still lying down, in frustration. 

 

"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TELL ME HUH? WHAT ARE YOU SO FUCKING AFRAID OF?" this becomes Lexa ' s breaking point and before she even realises it she's yelling right back at Clarke. 

 

"YOU DONT GET IT CLARKE! STOP TRYING TO FUCKING PRETEND LIKE YOU UNDERSTAND WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT!"

 

"THEN MAKE ME UNDERSTAND LEXA! WHY WON'T YOU TELL THE TRUTH?!" the blonde counters.

 

"HE'LL KILL ME!" Lexa hadn't intended to say that. It came out before she could stop it, leaving a bitter after taste in her mouth. 

 

She thought about Aden and Anya, her siblings. How much she loved them and how Titus had threatened to harm them if she told anyone. He could if he wanted to and Lexa wasn't about to gamble with the lives of her siblings. 

 

Her thoughts then took her to her parents, who didn't want her, nor did they love her anymore. The glare they gave her when she told them, their icy, venomous tones when they told her how she disgusts them, how she's an abomination, a mistake. She thinks about how they treated her after that until they had finally had enough and thrown her out of their home, her home and told her to never come back.

 

Lexa hadn't realised that she was sobbing until she felt warm arms envelope her in a hug and the sobs just kept coming. She couldn't stop. It felt like she was crying for all the times she was strong over the past few years and kept herself from breaking down. The anger and the pain she's kept maintained for so long finally bursting out in the form of tears and nothing could stop them, not that she wanted to.

 

It felt good to be held by someone after so long. To be cared for. So she let herself cry. She let Clarke see her weak. And for the first time in a long long time she let herself feel.


	11. It all falls down part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2.  
> And see if you can find the references. ;)

Chapter 11

It took a while for Lexa ' s sobbing to subside and all the while Clarke clung onto her. Holding her close to her chest as she let the other girl out.  
It broke Clarke's heart every time a sob wracked let it through the brunette in her arms but never had she once thought of letting her go.

 

So she held on tightly and told the brunette that it would be okay and that they'd get through it, but she really wasn't sure who she was trying to convince and comfort. 

 

Clarke couldn't help but think of how disgusting a human can possibly be to raise a hand against another, and more so a child. She absolutely failed to comprehend what the reasons could be. Especially against someone like Lexa. Someone so pure and good, someone who was so compassionate and caring, who put the needs of others above their own like Lexa. Someone who, although the brunette would deny any and all alligations, loved like Lexa. And Lexa loved.

 

She couldn't stop thinking about the mantra Lexa loved repeating 'he'll kill me'. Clarke's heart clenched at the thought of the brunette never coming back to her. And it was then that Clarke realised that she couldn't live without Lexa and frankly she didn't want to. She'd be dammed if anyone took the brunette away from her.

 

Her thoughts were interrupted by the shaking of the body in her arm. She realised that Lexa's sobbed had given away to hiccups. It was only then that Clarke let go and pushed back slightly from the brunette, only to cup the girls face and wipe away the silent tears rolling down her cheeks. She then leaned in and pressed a kiss to the brunette's forehead, right between her eyebrows. She moved lower and pressed kisses to both her closed and slightly damp eyes, tasting salt but not having it in her to care, she proceeded to placing kisses on the girls cheeks, the tip of her nose and purposefully skipping her lips and placing a kiss on her chin. Then finally placing a soft lingering kiss on the girls lips. This earned a content sigh from the brunette.

 

Their moment however didn't last long. A knock sounded at the door before it opened and in walked Clarke's mother, followed by a nurse and two police officers, then lastly a woman Clarke has never seen before. 

 

The nurse went about her business going around the room, then checking on Lexa which forced Clarke to move from were she sat on the bed and instead took post on the earlier discarded chair, that was still close to the bed.

 

After the nurse had left, the woman that had walked in with her mother rushed up to Lexa and took her in her arms in a tight hug which earned a flinch and wince from the brunette, of which didn't go unnoticed by the older woman who immediately let's her go.

 

"Lexa the police want to talk to you about the investigation if you don't mind." Abby asked before the older woman had a chance to say anything. 

 

"What investigation? " Lexa asks voice laced in confusion. Mirroring of everyone else in the room except the policemen and Abby obviously. But instead of answering Abby says 

"Clarke maybe we should let them talk? " But before Clarke could protest though Lexa spoke up.

 

"It's okay. She can stay. You can too Dr Griffin if you wish" Clarke watched as a look of surprise flashed onto her mother's face, and if it were a normal day and under normal light hearted circumstances she would have laughed at the uncharacteristical look on her mother's face. But today wasn't the day, so instead she settled for a weak smile which only grew when she felt Lexa take her hand.

 

Subconsciously she brought the brunette's hand towards her lips and placed a kiss on the back. An action that didn't go unnoticed by everyone else in the room but they chose to ignore for the moment. 

 

The policemen approached the bed where Lexa was now sitting up on, face serious, features schooled and hand still in Clarke's, she motioned for the men to start talking. 

 

"Well Miss Woods. We're here to ask you a few questions if you don't mind we will be recording this but we will not use it in court unless you have given consent it is just a reference for our investigation." he finishes. Lexa only nods for him to continue. 

 

"My name is Noah Longbottom,  
and this is my partner Cole Needleman. We're very sorry to disrupt your resting but this could not wait." 

 

Right then the officer who was standing back, also known as Cole, passed a picture to Noah who then showed it to Lexa and the woman she was next to. Clarke figured the woman must be her aunt.

 

"Do you know this man?" Noah asked. 

 

Where Lexa just gave a slight nod her aunt said,

 

"Yeah he's my husband. Titus. What's going on here? What is this about?"

 

"Ma'am the man you're looking at isn't Titus. His name is Prichard Kunt, also known by his followers as King of Azgeda. He's wanted for drug trafficking, money laundering, human trafficking. He's believed to be the ring leader of a group of specialised terrorists which call themselves Azgeda." he finished and it's safe to say that fear grew in Clarke with every word spoken. She couldn't help but think, will it really be okay?

 

"No, that's impossible. I've lived with him for the past 6 years and he hasn't been the man you're describing." Lexa's aunt argued.

 

"Well ma'am, do you know where he is now? We went to your house to arrest him and he wasn't there. Seems he left in a hurry to us." For the first time Cole spoke.

 

"What? No its probably a miss understanding. He's probably went on a trip for work. He does that but he'll be back." 

 

Clarke heard a long sigh being released and all eyes went to Lexa. She felt the grip of Lexa's hand tighten and she copied the move. Clarke watched as Lexa looked to her aunt and started.

 

"Aunty I don't think he's coming back this time." then she looked at everyone else in the room and Clarke could see the fear and pain in her eyes and her heart broke all over again.

 

"It's time I tell the truth. You're right Clarke, I can't suffer alone. I'm still scared but I can't live like this. Not anymore. I'm so sorry aunty but I have to. The Titus you think you know isn't the real Titus. I would know because I have met him. Everyday of my life for the past five years." Clarke held her breath in anticipation.


	12. What do you mean?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We hear Lexa's story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry guys. I tried. Im not proud of this chapter. I just finished it, I couldn't get anything right that's why it took so long. And I didn't edit it. I tried but I gave up I'm a bit emotionally strained at the moment. Sorry if it sucks. Never the less enjoy

Chapter 12 what do you mean?

 

Third Person's POV 

 

The room was silent a tense atmosphere around it. Everyone waited for the girl on the bed to start talking. She looked to be torn. The hand in hers slightly squeezed in reassurance and she took a deep breath and steeled herself before speaking.

 

"Aunt Ontari, I know you might not want to believe this and I understand. If you want me out of your house after I tell you this then I also understand. But please do me a favour and listen til the end then you can make your judgement."

 

When the woman tried to comment, slightly puzzled by the words of her niece, she was silenced by a slight shake of the head and the brunette began to speak.

 

"Titus or Prichard, whatever you want to call him came into our lives a couple of months after I arrived here and began living with my aunt. That was six years ago, so I was almost nine by then. I thought he was okay at first but he creeped me out a bit but I couldn't tell my aunt she was just so in love with him."

 

She took a breath

 

"Then they got married a little while after that and Titus moved in with us. Everything was okay for a while afterwards, I had school and my aunt worked during the day so I found her home after school. I remember how grateful I was for that. Titus by that time liked coming into my room when I was there, he would make inappropriate comments that I didn't understand then but I do now" Lexa's face morphed into one of disgust.

 

"What kind of comments?" Cole spoke this time. Noah seemed to be taking notes on the pad he had brought with him and the recorder was placed on the table beside the bed where Lexa was sitting.

 

"He'd tell me how pretty I am and how he'll teach me how to take care of a man in a pleasurable way. He'd touch me and tell me that one day I'll grow in a way that'll please him and that's when he'll teach me everything I need. He'd tell me how a girl should be seen and not heard and how I'll ever only be good at one thing in life and that's making babies. He'd then tell me to not repeat it to my aunt ever. I was young then I didn't understand how much weight his words actually meant you know? I thought he was kidding." Tears shone in the eyes of the girl but she defiantly pushed them away.

 

"Okay, it's okay. What happened next?" Officer Noah asked.

 

"The weeks went by just like that, him continuing to tell me how worthless I am and I started to push back. I refused to believe it. Then my aunt started taking on night shifts because the money stopped being enough and I started hating Titus because he was the reason the money was short. A week into my aunt's night shift things started to change. Titus would bring by his shady looking friends and they would smoke and drink together in the living room and I hid upstairs in my room. He did that every day for a week until one of his friends walked into my room and found me there. He grabbed me and he - he..." the girls voice broke and the tears fell freely now. Refusing to acknowledge her tears she cleared her throat. 

 

"He tried to rape me. He almost succeeded actually but I was screaming through the whole thing until Titus came up and pulled him off me, saying how I was making too much noise and the neighbours where starting to ask questions." 

 

Disbelief was clearly visible in the faces of a lot of the people in the room laced with disgust at the thought of anyone having the audacity to say such a thing. 

 

"After that incident he stopped bringing his friends to the house. He'd go out every night and come back in the early hours of the morning before my aunt came home and clean up. Shortly after I turned ten shit started to really hit the fan."

 

The girl paused and took a breath. It seemed to physically pain her much to the pity of the others. But she only focused her eyes on the interlaced hands that she seemed to be getting her strength from. With another controlled release of breath she continued.

 

"Titus spent more time at home now. With his friends busy and my aunt at work who did it leave to entertain him? Me. I would come late from school and say I had practice for something just to be away from home but obviously all good things end and I had to go sometime. I would find him drunk in the living room, smoke in the air. It first started with verbal lashings but I ignored those already used to them by the time. It angered him that I was indifferent towards them so he tried something else. He hit me." 

 

Sharp intakes of air echoed through the room. The girl pushed through though not giving anyone to comment. She chanced a quick glance at her aunt, for the first time since she started the story, her aunt was pale, sickingly so as she shook her head disbelievingly. Quickly diverting her eyes back to the intertwined one with the blonde she continued. 

 

"It started as slaps accompanied by a verbal lashing and a lot of profane words thrown my way. Then it turned to him using his belt, to using his belt buckle. It depended on the day it was and how he felt. He'd tell me how nobody loves me and how nobody cared. He'd tell me how worthless I was and I honestly started to believe him."

 

Lexa release a sigh and her shoulders fell. Eyes never leaving their hands.

 

"The beatings progressed over the years. When I turned twelve he started punching me. He even made a game out of it. From the minute my aunt left he'd drink himself into a kind of rage that needed a punching bag and I unfortunately was that punching bag."

 

Before she could continue though Cole interjected.

 

"You said he made a game out of it. What did you mean by that?"

 

Lexa's shoulders seemed to fall even more than possible. She pulled her legs towards her chest even if you could tell it hurt to do it.

 

"He would hit me till I begged him to stop or I passed out. I passed out more times than not. I would never beg. There were rules though, they were unspoken but they were still rules. Like he couldn't hit anywhere visible to other people and couldn't be covered up, for example the face and the legs especially during summer. That doesn't mean he didn't slip up. He'd make mistakes in anger but rarely. When he did people would ask questions that I could not answer."

 

She paused for a minute and for the umpteenth time that night she released a long dreaded sigh.

 

"Once I was fourteen the curves started coming in. I was developing, hormones were running wild in me and I hated every moment of it. Titus started becoming pervy, he'd touch me in inappropriate ways, he'd tell me how he wants me to suck his dick. I started sleeping with the door locked, I was so scared he'd try something when I was sleeping. He tried one time. Friday nights he'd leave and come home so drunk he'd fall asleep on the couch. Every morning he'd hit me before I went to school. Safe to say I hated summer vacations, weekends and all the other days that I had to spend at home."

 

The girl let out a rueful chuckle, sniffling and wiping at her cheeks. Doctor Griffin who was silent up until then took that moment as the perfect opportunity to ask the question that had been nagging her since the brunette said them.

 

"You said he tried once. What happened?"

 

Lexa's breath hitched and for the second time that night a sob wracked through the girls body. Clarke for the second time that night pulled the girl into an embrace. Everyone watched and waited until the brunette's sobs stopped. It took a few minutes, then she took a shaky breath and wiped at her tears.

 

"He came back mad one Friday night. He was so drunk... He said some girl he was trying to get to bed, by getting them so drunk they can't think straight, she fell asleep before he could get her to bed. He said it was my fault, which is completely stupid, but it didn't stop him from trying. He barged into room, I had forgotten to lock the door and I thought he would be back in the morning as usual but I was wrong. We struggled, he ripped my shirt... he pinned me against the floor and started touching me. I remember I kicked him and then I ran. I didn't have anywhere to go but I knew I couldn't stay there. He obviously ran after me... and I don't remember how it happened but I ended up on the ground in the middle of the road with him on top of me... he - he pulled out his knife and put it against my throat... I remember just screaming praying that someone would hear me as he pulled my shorts down..." 

 

The girl broke off. Her voice kept cutting off, throat constricted with emotion, tears running down her face as she hugged her knees closer to her painful body. The action made her look so small, it broke everyone's heart to see her like that. 

 

A range of emotions ran through the faces of the listeners. The most relevant face though was that of Ontari Winters. There were a multitude of emotions visible on her face and her eyes burnt with a fire that is closely related with Contempt. But the question was who was it directed at?

 

The tension in the room was suffocating. The silence deafening. But the blonde who had not said a word til then had a question. One that was to be expected. 

 

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

 

It was a simple, straight forward question really. Nothing was funny about it but still the room was once again filled with rueful laughter. A spine chilling chuckle that was laced with so much hate one would wonder if this really was the girl who was always okay.

 

"He would have killed me. Probably will when he finds out about this."

 

The girl turns to the officers.

 

"Do me a favour? Please."

 

With a nod of encouragement to continue from Noah she says.

 

"Protect my siblings. They don't deserve this. He'll find them. He knows he won't break me with torture but I will not lose my sister and my brother to that monster."

 

The officers share a look before Cole looks towards Lexa and says 

 

"We'll see what we can do"

 

The girl was tired now. She was drained and she slumped back into the bed ready to have the world consume her. She heard the person next to her move. Her aunt walked towards the direction of the door as quickly as her legs could carry her while not running. 

 

Lexa's eyes followed the figure. Hurt shining in them, tears brimming her eyes for the umpteenth time that night. 

 

 

She left.

**Author's Note:**

> so this is my first fic ever. if my you feel like my ideas are all over the place please don't hesitate to tell me. Keep in mind that my English might be a bit off sometimes. But comment and i will try to fix my problem. 
> 
>  
> 
> most times i will just post without proof reading so all the mistakes are mine as i have no beta. And please be gentle. Don't hurt my 15yr old ego. And i apologize for the length but if people like it i will try and create longer chapters while schools are still closed. 
> 
> Also I will try and update regularly. And keep in mind I'm in GMT time so my updates may be latter or earlier than originally planned.
> 
> THANK YOU FOR READING.


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